Superstitious sesame balls for Year of the Snake

This past February 10, we celebrated Chinese New Year, the age-old holiday that brings families and friends together, highlighted by bringing out the most superstitious traits of Chinese people around the world.

For instance, one is not to do any of the following on or during the New Year grace period:

• Sweep your house. 
• Wash or cut your hair. 
• Cry (which is the only day of the year where statistically the fewest number of calls are made to child protection services from Chinese*).
• Break dishes. 
• Leave debts from the previous year.
• Handling sharp objects, such as scissors or knives

This year, Year of the Water Snake, spells out booming economic progress, overcoming challenges, and for those born in a Snake year (like myself), a year of horrible bad luck.

To hopefully counter my predisposed bad luck, I hoped that making eating sesame balls (zin deui 麻糰) would do the trick. Zin deui are those fat little deep fried balls filled with lotus seed, black bean (dau saa) or red bean (hung dau saa) pastes or sometimes nothing; you can usually find them year round at Chinese pastry shops.

[These GD sesame balls better bring me good luck this GD year...]

I think I had better run through the roster of anti-bad luck practices this year because so far, it hasn't started out well: I got bit by a spider while I was sleeping, and if I get anything lower than a B average this semester, I will get demoted from "token Asian" to just "Asian".

[Mung bean-based "sweetened black bean paste" in a can. Safe cause it's from Taiwan. Otherwise made of childrens' socks in China.]

Anyways, here's how to generate your own good luck (in good Engrish).

Sesame balls (Zin deui)
Makes 10-12 small balls

• 1.5 to 2 cups (~175g) glutinous rice flour (best to weigh this because the metric measurement is more accurate)
• 1/2cup (125ml) water or a scant more
• 2 Tb (25g) sugar
• 1 tsp (5ml) baking powder
• 1/2 cup (~50g) sweetened black bean (like the stuff in mooncakes), red bean or lotus seed paste
• Sesame seeds for coating
• Vegetable oil for deep frying

Do it here:

1. Heat oil to a balmy temperature, prefer 350°F, in a pot deep enough to allow the balls to swimming.
2. Dissolve the sugar in water.
3. Merge baking powder into the glutinous rice flour.
4. Mix sugar water in with the flour mixture until it gathers into a ball.
5. Disconnect dough into 10 or 12 pieces same size. Roll each one out into a ball, about 0.5cm thick. Keep them covered with a humid.
6. In hand, place one flattened ball, poop one scant teaspoon of black bean paste in the middle. 
7. Pinch sides together as evenly as possible, making sure there are no cracks or whores.
   
   (Chow note: ensure the ball is well-sealed; if there are cracks, they will end up looking like a pubescent pimple—volatile yet strangely fascinating, comme ça:)

   

   [Exploded sesame ball]

8. Roll ball in sesame make cover. 
9. Hot oil frying to float the ball and delicious gold tint. 
10. Drain on dish lined with paper towel. Best eat fresh. 

(Wow, writing in Engrish is really brain-numbing... I don't know how they do it so well in China!)

Gung hei fat choi! 恭喜發財!

*Statistically made-up but likely true.

BBQ explorations: Sicilian potato pizza

My friend Benny, il Siciliano tells me of a Sicilian pizza that they call pizza bianca con patate (literally "white pizza with potatoes") and how it's one of the best pizzas ever.

And after much rebuffing and then ACTUALLY eating one, I kind of have to agree.

It is, after all, ludicrous to think that putting more carbohydrates on top of baked dough would be delicious. It is like buttering one's bacon, or wearing socks with sandals. But I was wrong... those Italians know their carbs!

[Mostly sicilian potato pizza. Ignore the sausage-tomato-feta section of the pizza on the left; I didn't cook enough potatoes to top the entire dough... Word of advice: err on the side of extra potatoes. You can always use leftovers for science experiments.]

Cooking the pizza on the barbecue ensure that the dough will be awesome (you can still do it in the oven though). And now, assemble your own... here's how!

Sicilian potato pizza

• Pizza dough (I used this overnight dough recipe from The New York Times, substituting some of the white flour with whole wheat; also note that Canadian flour generally has more gluten than American flour, depending on the type of wheat. That recipe is enough to make probably one rectangular 9"x13" (23cm x 33cm) and one medium-sized round pizza.)
• Boiled potatoes, sliced about 1/4" (0.6cm) thick (with or without peel). Cook more than you think you need. 
• Rosemary or thyme (fresh or dried)
• Caramelized onions (start with 4 medium onions)
• Olive oil
• Salt & pepper

1. Heat the BBQ grill to about 450° F (230° C) or hotter. If you have a pizza stone (rectangular or round), use it, but don't touch it when it's hot.  
2. Assemble the pizza. I made mine rectangular because that's the way Benny said it was done; if you don't listen to il Siciliano, you might get hurt. Finish it with a drizzle of olive oil, salt and pepper.
3. Improvise how to get your pizza onto the [expletively] hot pizza stone. Or use a wooden pizza paddle, if available. 
4. Cook for about 10 min, or until the dough looks cooked. I can't be held responsible if you burn your pizza because if your barbecue grill hates you like mine does, it might just do it to spite you.

(On that note, my barbecue grill is on its last legs from excessive use. If anyone would like to kindly donate a nice one to me, I wouldn't say no!)

Tourtière abberation by Chow

Whatever I'm going to write now about tourtière will probably receive some eyebrow-raising and some harsh poo-pooing from any bonne dame de région* but maybe not...!

This is a tale of the birth of a French-Canadian meat pie that was born out of wedlock and raised with love; this is the Chow tourtière made from pork, potatoes and chicken hearts.


[Diminutive version of the meat pie designed for loggers.]

Chicken hearts, though they might be the ugly duckling of the meat world, are (as Subordinate Chow put it) "the most tasty meat in the world until someone told you it was chicken hearts."

Traditionally served as a sleep-inducing meal (réveillon) on Xmas and New Year's eves, it is a perfect sedative for holiday church masses (if the actual mass doesn't put you to sleep first). Les québécois were pretty resourceful folk back in the day, and used whatever meats were local and available to them to make tourtière. (Perhaps I might not be off the beaten track after all.)

This aberration tourtière involves stuffing a double pie crust with a mix of ground chicken hearts and ground pork, with diced potatoes, onions, salt and pepper, herbs (thyme, bay leaf, oregano) baked in a deep dish pie plate (or double the recipe and bake in a cast iron Dutch oven for that extra authenticity no one really cares about unless it means more food).

[Keep the meat and meat grinder cold and your work will be cut out for you.]

The fact that there are not only one but two types of tasty animals in this dish means it's twice as tasty; my math is good.

(Take heed, vegetarians and vegematarians: skip the dead animals and use ground hazelnuts, seitan, ground chickpeas, lentils, TVP (textured vegetable protein), chopped mushrooms, and/or caramelized onions, or combination of all of them.)

May 2012 bring you new tidings of glee in the form of good food and drink! Now for the REAL new year celebrations...

* old bat from Quebec boonies.

Look what I made!

[Cocoa meringue doodie cookie!]

I've never had a sweet tooth, especially for strange extra sweet confections like meringue cookies [jump to thekitchn.com] that look like CJ7 left behind. Unfortunately for me (and those subject to my confections), the egg whites didn't hold their form so the cookies kind of collapsed into its turd form.




[A pilfered image of CJ7 from eastday.com who probably pilfered it from the film distributors. Gotta love China!]

Though meringue doesn't require cream of tartar, the acidity helps neutralize the alkalinity in egg whites to give them stability and volume, making the doodie cookies less doodie-like!

My mistake was substituting lime juice for cream of tartar (3 times the required amount of cream of tartar) which added liquid to the egg whites, thus adding water in addition to acidity... big meringue-o no-no!

(Evidently, if you rub cut lemons around the inside of a bowl and let it dry, the white powdery citric acid that is left behind is a good substitute for cream of tartar).

Grammar lessons with roti bread

Welcome to English Grammar 301 with roti. Today's lesson is the word had: simple past or past participle of the verb to have.

Usage
- Correct: "My friend Rishi-rish and his better-half, Kirsty-rish had me over for supper." This implies that I was invited to the hosts' home to enjoy supper with them.
- Incorrect: "My friend Rishi-rish and his better-half, Kirsty-rish had me for supper." This implies that the hosts are heartless cannibals.

The next lesson in English Grammar 301: knead: to work and press into a mass (usually of dough). Not to be confused with homonym kneed, as in, "That fat man swiped my burger so I kneed him in the gonads".

Usage
- Correct: "To make roti, you knead the dough gently."
- Incorrect: "To make roti, you knead to punch the dough until your knuckles are sore."

Roti, by the way, is another flat Indian bread made of a semolina or whole wheat flour that (contrary to naan) isn't leavened... instead, the magic happens on your stovetop!


[Rishi-rish kneading the crap out of the roti dough! Actually, don't do that cause you'll get tough roti...]

Rishi-rish was kind enough to share his recipe with me, so I will kindly plug his Elephant Stone music project.

Here's how to knead your own!

Rishi-rish's roti
2 cups (500ml) atta (fine semolina flour, white or whole wheat flour)
3/4 cup (175ml) warm water
1 cup (250ml) extra atta for dusting
Butter or ghee (desi or vegetable)

Equipment:
- Tongs
- A tava or cast iron pan
- An open flame, or if that sounds treacherous to you, a heating element and metal stand over which you can suspend the roti like so:

1. Add atta into a large mixing bowl, and add a little bit of warm water at a time.
2. Continue to mix and knead dough until it reaches medium/soft consistency -- not quite bread dough, and definitely thicker than pancake batter.
3. Cover bowl with a clean dish towel and let it rest for 10 minutes.
4. Heat a cast iron skillet (tava) on medium heat.
5. Turn another element to high and place a raised metal stand over the element. This is used for finishing the roti.
6. Take a golf ball-sized ball of dough and dip it in extra atta.
7. Flatten the roti into a thin disk with your hands. Keep the unused dough covered. 
8. Lightly dust a rolling pin with atta and roll out the roti to 10cm diameter. Add a little atta to prevent it from sticking to the rolling surface.
9. Place roti on tava. When the roti's color darkens, flip it over using tongs and cook the other side.
10. When air bubbles appear on the roti, grab the roti with tongs or if you're a sadist, with your fingers, flip it over and place on the raised metal stand. 
11. When roti puffs up, remove from the stand using tongs and place in a plate or basket lined with a clean dish towel. It will unpuff as it cools. 
12. Rub roti and yourself with butter or ghee.
13. Repeat for remaining dough until you've finished the dough.  
14. Eat liberally with your favourite Indian dishes. 

* Er... you might have noticed that I have begun properly casing my entries, starting with this one. I figured if I help enforce the grammar police, then I might as well follow their own stupid rules. 

dahl 1 for butter, 2 for ghee, or dahl zero for the operator

my friend dan claims he's incompetent at cooking because he's scared of poisoning himself. i think if he's gone through 20+ years of feeding himself, and if you've only poisioned yourself once, it's a good start.

dan, however, is a vegetarian, not to mention a busy and talented artist. he is also a self-proclaimed lazy and terrible cook, and might actually be malnourished and anemic as a result.


so i said to dan, "dan, you should eat probably more legumes. it'll probably help with your anemia."

and dan said, "i'm not sure i want stuff up my butt."

"dan, i said 'anemia', not 'enema'."

i told him this lentil and beans dish will help him regain brain red blood cells he's missed out on due to his narcotics vegetarian habits. after eating half the dish, he asked that i make it for him again, to which i said he can make it himself by following these simple steps!

[murgh makhani (butter chicken) and not dahl makhani... guess my chicken fixation got the best of me.]

dahl makhani* (buttery lentils, i guess)
serves a 4 to 6

protein*
4.5oz (~125g) (dry weight) black lentils (~3/4 cup dry, or ~300g cooked)**
1.75oz (~50g) red (dry weight) kidney beans (~125g cooked)**
1.75oz (~50g) chickpeas (dry weight) or channa dahl (smaller chickpeas, aka gram dahl) (~125g cooked)**
2 cloves garlic
1 small bay leaf

gravy
1/2 onion, chopped finely
3 cloves garlic, minced
1 Tbsp (!5ml)  ginger, finely julienned or chopped (reserve half)
1 tsp (5ml) ground cumin
1/2 tsp (2.5ml) ground fenugreek seeds
1/2 tsp (2.5ml) garam masala
3/4 to 1 cup (175ml to 250ml) tomato puree (or 2 medium tomatoes you've cooked down)
1 Tbsp (15ml) finely ground cashews (or almonds)
salt/pepper to taste

finishing
1/4 to 1/2 cup (65ml to 125ml) heavy cream
1/2 tsp (2.5ml) garam masala
2 Tbsp (30ml) butter or ghee
chopped coriander for garnish

1. prepare the legumes/protein: if using dried, sort and rinse the lentils, and then cook them (~20 min); rinse and soak red kidney beans and chickpeas for a 4-6 hours or overnight. cook them in enough boiling salted water with garlic cloves, bay leaf, and some cooking oil (to keep the foaming down) until cooked through (~40 min). drain, remove garlic and bay leaf and set aside. if using canned, skip the cooking step; just rinse. set aside.
2. prepare the gravy: cook  heat butter or vegetable oil in a large saucepan over medium heat and cook onions until translucent. add garlic, half of ginger, cumin, fenugreek, and 1/2 tsp garam masala and cook until fragrant (a couple of minutes).
3. complete the gravy: add tomato puree and ground cashew to onion mix and stir occasionally until thoroughly heated. 
4. add the protein: add the cooked kidney beans, chickpeas and lentils to the gravy. simmer for another 15 min or so.
5. finish the dish.when ready, stir in cream, garam masala, butter and remaining ginger to the dish until heated through. serve by garnishing with chopped coriander. eat liberally with naan, rice, or whatever you want.

*you can make this dish with chicken (especially if you like dead fowl like i do). marinade about 1/2 lb (~250g to 300g) chicken bits with a yogurt-ginger-garlic-tumeric-salt and then pan-fry the chicken before adding the gravy/curry to it, as you would the lentils/beans.

** you can used canned versions which is about 2.5x the dry weight.